ES2PIDO. Period.

Carlo J. Caparas’ “Dyesebel”, just so you know, is a Little Mermaid-y love story between an unknown business tycoon heiress named Marimar and an unknown heir to the dormant kingdom of Sapiro named Sergio Santibanez casted in an Ocean Park-like setting somewhere in the beautiful country of Pangasinan. You won’t see dancing mermaids in the series, by the way, and I absolutely have no clue how Joyce will manage to put these beautiful exotic hybrids to dance Chichiquita (pseudo) underwater.

Seriously though, Dyesebel is a follow-up of the renowned loveteam of the haphazardly-murdered Marimar (yeah, I still want to throw a big rock at Dode Cruz, whatever his name is spelled—fark), which fortunately skyrocketed its stars Marian Rivera and Dingdong Dantes into instant stardom. Yes, above all the inconsistencies and the godly impossible twists and turns of Marimar’s latter episodes for the sake of its extension (at talagang masama pa rin ang loob ko sa writer…. Hehehe)

Now for my cut.

In spite of the ridiculous editing and the ridiculous storyline where the first few episodes, or just simply everything were ridiculously fast paced and compressed and… okay, everything was rushed to begin with, I just enjoyed watching every episode of Dyesebel for reasons that cannot be supported by logic or common sense (*fanboy giggles).

I scorned how badly some scenes in Dyesebel were put up. For example that ridiculous transition between that Surf co-twin celebrity turned cute reddish jellyfish and the sea “guyabano” (urchin, cucumber, kiwi fruit, hehe) to Dyesebel rescuing an unconscious injured Fredo while smiling (and swimming) towards him, my bunso and I were like—okay, let’s play Yu-Gi-Oh instead. The “thank you for the kumot” was weird, too. While Banak was giving the blanket she crocheted previously, I instantly laughed at the part where Dyesebel praised it because it was exquisitely created well, while looking at the rest of the blanket-looking decors on the floor and the house interior. Naalala ko bigla yung “I Belong” tv ad episode of Cloud 9. And the kingdom? Though I really really like how the set was done by our artists in the production (saludo pa rin ako sa inyo), the venue, in my opinion, was just too small and overused for a place where “it’s not as boring as the land”, as complained by the mermaids about the dry surface in the series.

It was like, what happened to the prior drama where worrywart but loving Banak (Lotlot de Leon) was crying a river for her Dyesebel’s hard-headedness? That part was good.

Octiva and the rest of the 3D modeling was weird as well. With the exception of the pilot episode where its tentacles crushed the banca downwards, Octiva seemed to have never blended with the sea. And its eyes? I was like, have they ever seen an octopus before? Or put it simply, have they ever tried to look on a squid’s eyes before putting them in the pot?

The CG tails of the characters are also detestable. If I may recall, when Dyesebel first showed up posing on top of a big rock, they implemented a golden CG fish tail for her. And that part was really really off, perhaps not for the bad eye.

Yet, my daily, I mean nightly complaining about GMA’s deteriorating telefantasya CG quality just faded. Except for the first installment of Encantadia, I instantly thought how the CG artists are trying to keep their pace with the ridiculous deadlines set to them by GMA. They’re extremely good, but being rushed. I just feel sorry for the CG artists who couldn’t make the textures of their effects better due to GMA’s ridiculous time constraints. I just thought worst things as to why they keep on sacrificing quality for the sake of Marian and Dingdong’s marketability in the advertising department. And this doesn’t go only for the CG part.

However, after all the negative sides I recall while watching the first five episodes of Dyesebel, I can still recount the good things why I kept on Dyesebel-ing before I go to the Internet shop and go jobhunting.

Well, to name a few, the ‘kilig’ factor (haha, kinikilig pa ko sa lagay na ito) is still there. What was the only part I got kilig? No, not the Dyesebel save sinking bloody Fredo. Okay, that cute young counterpart of Dyesebel and the Nido-star son of Francis M. rescuing a careless mermaid off the fish net was just… (*fanboy giggles*). Lagyan ba naman ng heart beating SFX ng Starstruck. Hehehe. Only with that case as basis I just felt sad when Alfred Vargas’ character gloomed upon knowing that Marimar—I mean Dyesebel (the grown up non-dancing but stunningly gorgeous as usual) already infatuates for someone else. I mean some good-looking creature with two legs in their perspective so to speak. And since it has just started, after that disastrous development of Dyesebel rescuing Fredo, I guess I have to hook myself more to see if I won’t think they still bring the Marimar-Sergio aftertaste when they’re together.

The pilot episodes were dramatic as well. Though the chronologically long storyline was obviously contrived to fit an episode or two, the actors and actresses did a pretty good job in pulling their roles off. Say Wendell Ramos, for example. I thought he’s only good in his Sexball stints in Bubble Gang. After seeing him on Dyesebel, I thought to myself… so he’s the new Cyrus of “My Name is Kim Sam Soon”.

However, the May-December tandem of Jean and Wendell was kinda odd for me, especially for people who know the celebrities’ real age. But whatever, at least Jean didn’t look like she’s aged that much.

Mylene Dizon (Jangga)? Hahahaha! At first glance, I thought she’s younger than her daughter Berbola. Really. And she carries the contravida role as usual.

Review still incomplete. Not only that I’m yet to watch the rest of its episodes, I forgot some of the characters. You know, it’s hard to type a haphazardly encoded review in a computer shop on the spot. Of course, I have so save my money for the rent. Hehehe.

But I still managed to bring out my first impression about Dyesebel.

STUPID FORECAST? A Philippinized masterpiece bound to continue with all the (unwanted) bosses behind it rushing things as if they won’t get enough royalties if they cannot meet the ridiculous deadlines. So rushed, I just shake my head whenever I think of a good potential for GMA to at least remember how well they once created Encantadia to near Filipino perfection. (I guess the people behind it would agree). And the effects of this syndrome may vary, especially when Dyesebel manages to build a sturdy fan base where it can promote the show by itself… or not, considering that this is a fantaserye. Fantaseryes nowadays, in my observation, are losing patronage. But because people are not yet nagsasawa to Marian and Dingdong, who knows? Nevertheless, the naturally-funny but stunning Dyesebel is still lovable, no matter how many flaws we will notice in the next few episodes. Proof? Enough na ba na may recorded episodes kaya ako. Bwehehehe.