ES2PIDO|Estudyanteng Pinoy Dormitorian

(This is an uber long post. It’s been a week. I have a lot to prattle about. ^_^)

It was December 8, and my semi-dusted yellowish uniform that looked expensive at first glance (can be used as substitute for katsa aprons in elementary home economics subjects, hehe) seemed to have rigged my sweat pores like fully-opened faucets in our kitchen. Exotic heat was pouring in and out of our jeepney. I reached Dasmariñas around 1:30 on a jeep en route downtown from Indang, Cavite. But I didn’t seem to notice the flashy banderitas made of unused wrappers of Oishi and Jack’n’Jill junk foods clinging the cables until some retard blew his trumpet out of tune right in front of my window. It’s my former highschool classmate, looking at me while holding his ‘flute’ and his naughtiest grin.

The traffic shocked me. The short-tutu-skirted girls with overworn makeup and germ-infested batons shocked me more. Few rolls of our wheels, it was followed by an abominable monstrosity—a parloric beauty—err–animosity homosexual with charcoal complexion and face value of a Tyrannosaurus rex holding a banner “Viva La Immaculada Concepcion—Naic, Cavite”. Talk about the current trend of beautiful muses, I nearly fainted to vast humiliation. Thank God I’m not from Naic.

I almost forgot. It’s fiesta already.

The Y-intersection going to our downtown was closed for the entrance of the mile-wide parade of musico bands and some array of motorcyclers who, well, were showing-off their motorcycles of republic cheapstakes (Harley-Davidsoners wannabes). It means I have to walk for 15 minutes from Waltermart-Dasmariñas down to a one-way road straight to the town plaza with my 10-kilo baggage of soiled clothes pungent in smells you can find in your backyard. Had my black retractable umbrella ready, but carrying three bags and one portfolio envelope? I wanna have a tan instead.

The crowd just got more crowded and garbages plentier and more rainbow-colorful when I had myself nearer to the municipal plaza. Then I saw the people looking at my direction. I gradually resigned. “Me artista ba?” (Any celebrities here?) There will be stars, but the fact that the populace was staring at me tickled me for a few milliseconds then reality bit me to consciousness. The parade is about to enter the premises, which brought them to anticipation. So I went inside a franchise of Video City across the street and savored the air-conditioning.

A few hours before the procession, right after our long exam in French (which was easy I didn’t need a review) my classmates were like 5 volume tallies plus on their mouths when they voluntarily invited themselves to be my guests for the fiesta. I diligently replied,

“Practicality is the philosophy of our subdivision, so don’t expect perfect accommodation. Better if you don’t bother asking me about the fiesta or else I’ll kill you (put a smiley here.)”

I rejoiced when I saw them disappointed (more smilies here.)

Seven years in a row, and it seemed like it’ll be endless—evading potential eager-beavers to crunch on our house in feasts for the local patrons that we apparently am not devoted to spent bucks. Perhaps we cannot afford to loot our wallets thousands of pesos for an extravagant serving of spaghetti, pansit, kare-kare, afritada, fried chicken, hotdogs, lechon, (insert more Filipino cuisine here) since it’s December, and there’s a lot of things to spend for December.

Christmas is upcoming. New Year’s Eve is coming. Lawyers are coming. Why spend for fiesta?

It’s the tradition that has been deluding, IMO, Catholic Filipinos in celebrating, as well as glorifying, patrons in our locale which were appointed by the corrupt friars of the previous Spanish regime. Albeit the religious bias of having the patron an inspiration for thousands of Filipinos has been proclaimed by religious individuals who kept on losing in debates, I suppose it’s not the will and the likeness of these patrons, in case they still live in this world until now, to have their devotees stashing money for them using lechon, tarpaulins of politicking holiday greetings, and amateur singing contests, even if they needed their money for the next decades of their lives. Our patrons didn’t prefer us making stupidity out of our devotion to them. They just want us to be wisely good citizens of the country.

Yet I somewhat argue with my own statement for some reason I don’t understand.

Fiestas have been a form of social gathering where those who haven’t been meeting for years come to reunite and those who cannot afford to buy a cup of rice and a can of Ligo sardines come to gormandize. These feasts even contributed greatly for the popularity of Filipinos as the most ‘hospitable’, where all houses are open for dining and taking home other people’s utensils secretly, like what our neighbors in Aklan used to do.

People will come as your friends. After eating, that is the end of your relationship until you set another buffet next year. Also, fiestas project that all residences/houses are open to visitors. I disagree. Placards written with “Beware of Dogs” in most houses are retained, if not enlarged, even if no one cares about their existence. We do that as well, though we’ve lost our dog already. No placards. Just me looking at everyone provocatively ^_^.

Showing off is synonymous to spending a lot during fiestas. The more recipes you serve, the more plates you use in serving for the visitors, the wealthier you are in the eyes of the kidnappers. Even those who have nothing would dare grace the competition and spend everything in just one day without fearing they might not eat on the next.

Traffic is purgatorial. (But traffic is hellish in Manila with or without fiestas). You must consider jogging thrice every week in case during fiestas you are caught in the middle of carbon monoxide. If the parade of the security guards holding brasswind instruments is quite mile long and you are a regular commuter, good for you. Walk along the roads before you see San Pedro. If you are rich and you’ve pimped a car already, bwahahaha. Good luck waiting.

We have no time nor enough money to afford fiesta galore unless someone initiates to invite us to come to their place and have our stomachs filled with all the goodness of their accomodation that all thrifty guys out there always dreamed of.
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UPDATE: I have removed the other minor articles that made this super long (but read-worthy, still ^_^) I’ll post it soon. ^_^

No updates still. Bleh. I will not post it again unless you ask for it.

Anyways,

Congrats to Yeng Constantino for being the very first Pinoy Dream Academy Valedictorian. I knew it ever since she made an astounding 8-week top of the chart hit ‘Hawak-Kamay’ (my favorite). Kudos! Astig kang bata ka! Yahoo!