AFTER A DOSE OF STRESSTABS AND GLUTAPHOS

Oh great. I’ve been drastically idle for the past few weeks of not blogging.

No wonder I’ve had a generous amount of no-serious readership aside from a few boo-boos of those whom-who-must-be-named. Plus understatements. Plus lowered pinoytoblogs rank. From 280 down to 355th. Bikoy must be right ^_^. Har-har.

Moving on…

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It was so difficult for me to be in the corporate world, at a young age, or perhaps composed with no corporate ‘experience’. You know, I’ve got a dose of shouts, rants, grumbles, and more sermons from people, respected people I suppose, who has to be respected because they are in the position to do so regardless of their brash character, their unearthly staff treatment, or I guess they have the experience to execute such. So that was the real world. World out of professors lazied by our university’s delayed and pumped-out lower salaries.

My work as a P.A. culturally shocked me. So this is what they call the corporate world, eh?

How I got employed? On of our profs referred me to Direk Gil Portes. I don’t know the whole story, but I was glad Ma’am Joyce Ilagan texted my name to Direk.

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First day, my mom and I nearly got lost. I am unfortunately a GI. Geographically idiot, that is. My mom can scramble herself asking directions where and where while I’m the anxious one if we’ll be getting late for work, or an interview I thought. Geez, my mom really loved me so much, she too woke up early just to accompany me in the place called ‘Crossing’. I pondered–what the hell is Crossing? Intersection? There are a hell lot of intersections in Manila. Or it’s a place full of pedestrian lanes with millions of people crossing. Or exaggeratingly a haven of pedestrian ‘lines’ as part of architectural design where man is superior and vehicles cannot dare make ‘bundol’ you. But after arriving (actually we hitched off at SM Megamall, hehe), we were nearly hit by a bus. Crap. Goodbye airconditioning.

Thank you Jasper bus. (Oh, that bus named Jasper with fonts very similar to the kiddie ghost flick ^_^).

And then the long walk. SM Megamall was not opened yet. Oh, I forgot, it was my first time to step on that tremendous squared shoemart. I tempted to enter, but to no avail it’s too early. How big is SM Megamall?

We asked zillions of people. But we ended up our skin cooked to perfection while walking 10 kilometers. My deodorant stopped protecting. Kikoy kit to the rescue.

And then we arrived 30 minutes earlier than Direk’s schedule.

I arrived with a lot of questions in my mind.

The office (where Direk directed me to go to) doesn’t seem to look more ‘cinematic’ than expected. No cameras, no clappers, no lights, no wires on the floor. It was simply an office, a typical office similar to supermarkets and at that time, I felt like I entered an office of someone else.

There are other employers dressed like salesladies. Beautiful ladies. But they are snobbish. Or maybe they are just doing their work not relative to ours. I waited and waited, read a newspaper, and slept. Imagine how long I waited why I slept that easily.

And then he came. Two hours later.

Direk Gil Portes is two hours late. So much for the ‘always on time’ by our professor ^_^. I’ve ruined mom’s efforts of ironing my polo because of crouching.

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I honestly wasn’t aware of my work.

P.A. or Production Assistant is strenuous. Just like how they define it, a PA is multi-functional and multi-tasking. We do everything what our boss used to do because they insist that we assist them. When they need coffee, we make timpla. When they need someone to summarize their script, we encode for an hour. When they have to call someone, they give us the phone. If they have their cellphones crashed, we lend them ours, not realizing the prepaid load inside. They said, o well, PA stands for Personal Alalay/Alipin. I believe them.

I was even confused about the real work of a PA. Maybe because it basically assesses that PAs have a lot of work to do without questioning where and what course they have graduated.

And I thought Direk Portes called us because of Ate Tere (Maria Teresa Pangilinan). Kudos, Ate Tere!

You know, when I was working, I don’t know if my qualifications submitted to them was really that necessary. I was referred by our professor because Direk seeked for a ‘computer geek’ in our university who’ll accept 500 pesos a day salary despite the fact that I might work 15 hours or more. That was the deal between Direk, my prof, and me. But then when I sat near the desktop, Direk (and his financial officer) even thought I don’t know how to boot-up a PC, and had my hands on his receipts to be liquidated. And they though I knew them already, so they didn’t orient me. Mathematics, in short. I am kinda purol na in Math.

So much for their unlikely underestimated expectation of a promdi student from Cavite State University, eh? ^_^ Har-har.

I was always on time. If the call time is 9 am, I’m 5 to 2 minutes earlier. That was how I used to work. But everytime I come too early in the office while some snobbish officemates were looking at me, I felt quite disappointed. You know, I’m as early as my newly-bought (and newly-freed ^_^) Lovebirds chirp in their cages, and then this ‘always on time’ arrives 2 to 3 hours late. I don’t know what to say.

So that was the corporate world, eh? I think he is demonstrating one of a million examples of his unprofessionalism.

And I was influenced with his tardiness.

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In the corporate world, as they say, people have no mercy. IF you’re late, you’re reprimaded. People will be disgusted with the character you are showing. No attempts for uneducated retribution but a fiascoed rumbles in your head.

Unlike in our school where excuses are excused, outside, you’ll not be dealing with friends or enemies. You’ll be facing people who’ll judge you according to your performance in their offices and not to the achievements printed in your resumes.

And that was what I’ve learned.

I have a lot of things to tell you about my 2-week experience as a PA of Direk Portes. But I guess I’ll only share you the most superficial ones.

And here are some tips if you’re a PA:

Always come early. Your boss will not complain about you. And in case he injects quotes like “You’re so early but you haven’t done anything…”, just reply with “Sir, you haven’t told me what to do. Maybe you can suggest me one now.” And if he demands his position as the greatest person ever born in the world, just smirk and do as he asks. Do something else so that he’ll not buzz you off with his animalistc antics in the office.
Be friendly. But…
If your boss arrives late, just smile and lower your voice. If you are brave enough, smirk. That will inform (and educate) him well.
If your boss gives you errands, do it fast. Iniatives are necessary. And if he’s not satisfied, just look at his face as if you’re that cute cat in Shrek 2. Bonus if you’re biologically younger than him, just like in my case.
If your boss tells you a story, just ride his bus. And if you can’t stand it because you’ve realized he’s making it up and he objectively wanted to make you stupid, just don’t respond. If you’re in a car, sleep. Pretend that you are doing something very important. It will be more effective if your PC is turned on. Just make your typing louder even if you’re not typing anything. It’ll piss him off and stop him to blab about his childhood years. ^_^
If your boss makes a mistake, and he habitually forces himself to blame everything to you, even the simplest ones, just prevaricate. Or simply just sigh.
If your boss told you to do something and you know he knows that you don’t know how to do it, just simply do what he asks you to do. And then later, if he scolds you that you didn’t do what he asked you to do and he insists that you know what to do already with rants like “you don’t know how to follow simple instructions?”, or “you’re illogical!” or “what school are you from?”, just shut up and cross your brows and simply say “I don’t know how to do it.” If he replies “Why don’t you know it–aren’t you in college yet?”, just say “Sir, I’m a Mass Comm student still, and we were never taught how to liquidate receipts. I asked you to teach me, but you are very busy.”, then lower your head. Be the underdog. If he insists, tell him to teach you how to do it. ^_^
If an artista comes to your office, just smile. Pretend that you don’t fantasize them, fanaticize them, idolize them, or love their damned gorgeous body. Just do your work.
If an unknown artista comes to your office, well, don’t let them overrule you, unless they are very friendly. Yes, there are very friendly artistas, and there some bratinellas and feeling sikat (famous). If they are kind, talk to them and accompany them in case they need assistance. Show them the real ‘friendly’ side of you. But if you’re dealing with THs (trying-hards), make a 10 meter distance off them. If you can’t, sound yourself intimidating, as if you are very educated. But don’t make yourself look pretentious.
Dress up like an educated person. Fashion up with outfits similar to theirs. Or if you want, wear eyeglasses and hold a clipboard or a foreign language book. It will make you more bossy.
Show off. Impress your boss. But if your boss or the opportunity doesn’t give you a clue how to show-off, just do your job efficiently.
If he shouts “P.I” at you for no reason, look at him, cross your brows quickly, and do your work. Question his behavior. Imply with your actions that you are never been vulgarized by people. Otherwise, do you task and make him not complain about you.
Stay friendly. Be empathic. Be innocent. Let them be the teacher. But if there’s something questionable, just do some suggestions. If they didn’t like it or maybe you’ve made a wrong suggestion, just say “Ah… (I see)” while nodding your head pretentiously like a news reported interviewing a public school principal ^_^.