PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IN THE PHILIPPINES
Ok, my heading is so stupid. Just like what I did to some finger-toe-countable people. Just sharing my personal tips on how to piss people off by fooling them to get special Filipino treatments freebies, discounts, or free purchasing items. I mean… purchasing for free?
This one is my personal favorite.
HOW TO CHEAT PIRATED CD/CD-ROM SALESMEN/LADIES?
Initiative: Buy two or more cd-roms. It depends on the package, whether each program contains a cd or more. Plus, do NOT buy blank CD-Rs in the same store where you bought the CD-ROMS. Do NOT give them an idea that you can burn CDs. Here’s why:
- Install the cds on your computer. Make sure you have Nero or CD Clone or anything else used for CD burning/copying application. Copy the CDs and make an image on your computer. If you have blank CD-Rs or CD-RWs or DVD-R/RWs, burn them. You now have a backup of your newly purchased CDs! (Take note: make sure you have not tampered your CDs too much, like having scratches or creased CD cover. Ensure that your CDs are guilt-free.) Go back to the place where you bought the pirated CD-ROMs. Tell them that your CDs doesn’t work. If you’re in a country where English is not the street language, speak in ENGLISH to intimidate them and utilize as much hifalutin computer jargons as possible. Why English? Just make them stupid. The longer elaborations in English, the better. Let them have the impression of you being a smart-alec.
- Alibis that I have used already are “The cds that I bought last time are unreadable/not compatible to the requirements of my PC/does not work/have been bought by my brother/sister/cousin in [state a distant location] already/have been installed in my PC already and I was not able to notice it since my [relative/friend] did not inform me about that. Would you mind check it for a while” If they have a PC, let them check it. If it works in their system, then state that it really doesn’t work on your PC, then replace a new one. If they insist to replace it with the same program, accept it, go home or somewhere else and then return on the next day. Convince them that the cd still doesn’t work and let them replace it with a new program.
The rest of the tips you wanna grab from me in varying situations rely on how good your English proficiency is.
Or, if your English is really six-miles underground barbaric, then give it an accent or any foreign intonation. They might give you special treatment.
————–
Oh well, I was called by our dean about my StarStruck article. (See article below). She is absolutely GUILTY of what she did, and pinpointed me about her connectivity to my blind-item editorial column article. Take note: it’s a BLIND ITEM article. She wants to sue me with libel charges if I don’t retract my statements.
Golly… is she really that stupid? Did I mention her name? Is accusing her a ‘liar’ during the exit conference of our accreditation without mentioning her name to everyone not related to mass comm a ‘crime’? In legal terms, should an essentially opinion article be ‘questioned’? Is being a member of the faculty for 30 years be the basis of a person not to lie to other people? Is ‘uttered someting like’ a direct quote? Is the typographical error related to the subjectivity of my article?
She’ll just waste her money. To her lawyer and to me in case I file for damages. I might be a hundred thousand pesos richer. Hehehe…
College Degrees Without Study! 100% legal and WDLC accredited. No coursework, graduate in 10 days.
