ES2PIDO|Estudyanteng Pinoy Dormitorian

Ok, my heading is so stupid. Just like what I did to some finger-toe-countable people. Just sharing my personal tips on how to piss people off by fooling them to get special Filipino treatments freebies, discounts, or free purchasing items. I mean… purchasing for free?

This one is my personal favorite.

HOW TO CHEAT PIRATED CD/CD-ROM SALESMEN/LADIES?
Initiative: Buy two or more cd-roms. It depends on the package, whether each program contains a cd or more. Plus, do NOT buy blank CD-Rs in the same store where you bought the CD-ROMS. Do NOT give them an idea that you can burn CDs. Here’s why:

• Install the cds on your computer. Make sure you have Nero or CD Clone or anything else used for CD burning/copying application. Copy the CDs and make an image on your computer. If you have blank CD-Rs or CD-RWs or DVD-R/RWs, burn them. You now have a backup of your newly purchased CDs! (Take note: make sure you have not tampered your CDs too much, like having scratches or creased CD cover. Ensure that your CDs are guilt-free.) Go back to the place where you bought the pirated CD-ROMs. Tell them that your CDs doesn’t work. If you’re in a country where English is not the street language, speak in ENGLISH to intimidate them and utilize as much hifalutin computer jargons as possible. Why English? Just make them stupid. The longer elaborations in English, the better. Let them have the impression of you being a smart-alec.
• Alibis that I have used already are “The cds that I bought last time are unreadable/not compatible to the requirements of my PC/does not work/have been bought by my brother/sister/cousin in [state a distant location] already/have been installed in my PC already and I was not able to notice it since my [relative/friend] did not inform me about that. Would you mind check it for a while” If they have a PC, let them check it. If it works in their system, then state that it really doesn’t work on your PC, then replace a new one. If they insist to replace it with the same program, accept it, go home or somewhere else and then return on the next day. Convince them that the cd still doesn’t work and let them replace it with a new program.

The rest of the tips you wanna grab from me in varying situations rely on how good your English proficiency is.

Or, if your English is really six-miles underground barbaric, then give it an accent or any foreign intonation. They might give you special treatment.

————–

Oh well, I was called by our dean about my StarStruck article. (See article below). She is absolutely GUILTY of what she did, and pinpointed me about her connectivity to my blind-item editorial column article. Take note: it’s a BLIND ITEM article. She wants to sue me with libel charges if I don’t retract my statements.

Golly… is she really that stupid? Did I mention her name? Is accusing her a ‘liar’ during the exit conference of our accreditation without mentioning her name to everyone not related to mass comm a ‘crime’? In legal terms, should an essentially opinion article be ‘questioned’? Is being a member of the faculty for 30 years be the basis of a person not to lie to other people? Is ‘uttered someting like’ a direct quote? Is the typographical error related to the subjectivity of my article?
She’ll just waste her money. To her lawyer and to me in case I file for damages. I might be a hundred thousand pesos richer. Hehehe…

Great… now Gian Carlos is my friend in Friendster.

Nano ra… wa ako ginaubra… wa ako gihambae…

Ginabayag-bayag man ako…
—-

Nope. Hindi po ako Ilonggo. My mom’s an Aklanon.

Boracay, heeere wee coome!

—-

Kung alam lang nya… ani… molla!
Neo hanggungmareul chal mothe…

This was one of my favorite posts in Rickey’s Pinoy.Rickey.Org blog.
And yeah… I was so hysterical by the time I encoded this on-the-spot…

This is all about Louie Ignacio and his/her kabaklaan. Was pissed-off by his/her great influence in the verdicts of StarStruck 3.

Epal. Bakaw. Pampam. Drawing. Bading. My Kuya told me about Louie Ignacio.

NAKU…

PAPAMPAM NA LANG YANG SI LOUIE IGNACIO…

PAM-PA-PAM-PAM-PAM-PAM…

He/she’s so brash. I mean, he/she clamors everything negatively and blabs outloud with his/her seemingly indigenous mouth from somewhere else without thinking—am I being human or brutal or something?

He/she wants TV exposure. He/she wants to bring his/her stereotypical post-modern directing finesse into something that his/her own freakin’ self would be captured by the cameras. He/she wants to control everything… he/she wants to make everything else out of him and all of his/her efforts without thinking “Have I overused the butterflies or the dangling chandeliers or the hotdog balloons or the Ati-atihan drums or the pinkies or the incandescent bulbs in all of my shows like Sis?

He/she brags about his/her style. And I hated it.

Masyado na siyang nag-stick sa mga music videos na nagpasikat sa kanya. C’mon… an amateur like me would lambast his/her Regine music vids.

Arghh…

Mind if you continue my scorn and disgust to Louie Ignacio? Care if I not address his name with a direk prefix? Nalulusaw ako, mga tol.

I hate him/her.

Please continue, Rickey.

Tags: Louie Ignacio

This is my column article for our January Issue of The Gazette. The title is subject to change, since I haven’t finished the article. Probably tomorrow I’ll post it.

My topic is about the trend of imported TV series, the eminence of ‘escapism’ and the connection of Jewel in the Palace to our society.

Maybe you could give me suggestions. I need to submit this tomorrow.

—————

MINSAN SA PALASYO NI JANG-GEUM

Perverted: Neil Brian Bernardo

I STARTED watching telenovelas since the day my dad stopped feeding us with his favorite Ginisang Kalabasa; he left the Philippines to work as a sculptor designer in China. Since then, we never had primetime nights without watching TV—except of course during each 2^nd day of our high school periodical exams where almost all the dreadfully cursed subjects were compressed in a single day suitable for ex-grade conscious students like me. Duh…

I was addicted to telenovelas, if not Animé programs. My mom’s the culprit. She hides the remote controller underneath the Tupperwares in the kitchen or sometimes, she just blatantly holds the remote while comfortably sitting on the sofa. We can’t complain. I had no choice but to watch. Eventually, I was moved with the stereotypical sob story of Mexican telenovelas, complete with haciendas, family feud, horses, love triangles, queridas, ‘cleavage’, and the hairy chests of the males who seemed to have undergone gym workouts as requirement to stardom.

We’ve seen those in all the telenovelas I’ve watched: in Thalia’s classics like Marimar, Maria la del Barrio, Maria Mercedes, Rosalinda; and the latest, Betty la Fea, Rosalinda, Camila, Paloma, Alicia, Daniela, Rubi, Basilio, Crispin… I mean, they were essentially and technically similar with each other. I was too much fed up with all the Mexicans and the Venezuelans, I actually passed out and got tired of them. Until I pressed no. 13 on the remote control and witnessed some good-looking guys and gals swordfighting and exchanging kamehame waves mid-air. Few weeks later, I found myself singing “Oh baby baby baby” with my pet dog Micky. Golly.

The bloom of pocketbook-inspired Latin dramas swallowed by an overwhelming influx of Asian dramas appeared to be the greatest shift of daytime and primetime Filipino TV programming (I’m referring to the majority). We get used to the tall, the blonde, the yellow and the hairy and now, we are embracing the short, the black, the white/brown, and the chinky-eyed. And the less-hairy, of course. Caucasian to Asian flavor—we are getting closer to other Asian countries.

Like most of us, I was hooked to Meteor Garden. I was hooked to their outrageous hairstyles, cartoon storyline, and F4 merchandise. I actually printed out its whole 30 paged synopsis and read it until some scalawag stole it from me. I was so spoiled I stopped patronizing it and got stuck with other Taiwanese blockbusters in GMA7 like MVP Valentine and Lavender. I became Taiwanese every afternoon for several months, until I finally changed my citizenship.

Not literally, I mean, there’s this Korean tearjerker that killed me when I first saw it. Endless Love, it was entitled, and my love for Korean melodramas seemed to never end. Unless a boom of Bombay or Mongolian series would change my mind.

And the trend went on… from Taiwanese fad, now Filipinos are kissing the feet of Koreans who are so magnificent in their melodrama masterpieces. I was frozen by the voice of their Winter Love Song, “Is this the Stairway to Heaven?” I asked myself, Suddenly, some Lovers in Paris found my frozen body floating At the Dolphin Bay. They told me, “A Little Mermaid named Irene Saved you during her Last aquatic Dance and suggested us to melt you using the Scent of Summer”. Oh yes, the lovers brought me to the Full House. Jessie and Justin gave me shelter in the Attic and fed me like a Cat. While they were feeding me, I heard clashes on the first floor. I snapped. Some 18-year-old Sassy Girls with Green Rose on their ears are inside the house. Jessie screamed, “Magnanakaw! Ninanakaw ang Jewel in the Palace!!!” I found myself gaining weight afterwards.

Jewel in the Palace (officially entitled Dae Jang-Geum or “Jang-Geum the Great”) is a 50-plus-episode, multi-million-won Korean drama whose background is based on a true story of Seo Jang-Geum, the frst and only female royal physician of the King (or the President) in Korean history. Though most of the write-up is anecdotal and only romanticizing Jang-Geum’s existence, the series is splendidly a masterpiece by simply making the Royal Kitchen the axis of political warfare and conspiracy in ancient Korea—where even the cooks of the White House can collaborate with the highest powers to topple down puppy President Bush.

The scenes are basically of intelligent cooking in which every single ingredient being served by the Tagapaglingkod ng Palasyo (Royal Servants) comprise of detailed explanations like nutritional value, historical background, therapeutic claims, and social relevance. It also focused on the Royal kitchen propagandas—where they are cogged to manipulate the Royal family with their served meals through clandestine acts, political dynasty, bribery, and everything else post modern in administration.

Say for example, the plot of executing the queen dowager of Seong Jeong’s regime by mixing poisonous nuts, the Choi’s plot of execution of Myeong-I (Jang-Geum) to ensure Lady Choi’s seat for the next Punong Tagapamahala, the Choi’s kitchen dynasty, the decision-making of the Royal family—the Kusina ng Palasyo has a great influence in politics, in monopoly, corruption, and manipulation of wealth and power. Imagine, it’s just the Royal Kitchen. Ano pa kaya ang ibang sangay ng palasyo?

It was superb. You see, the Choi clan has dominated the Royal kitchen for 4 generations. Their clan was able to inflate their wealth and their social status clandestinely while they secretly cooperate with the Ministros and the Kusina ng Palasyo under their control, their annihilation of their adversaries, inside and outside the kitchen—the very same setup in our country and other administrations as well; blatant graft and corruption, TraPos dwelling among provincial bailiwicks, the hidden demobilization and destabilization plots of the Senate and the lower Houses, coup d’etat rumors of the military (which are obliquely true), the 31^st Metro Manila Film Festival noises—and just imagine if all of these started in the dining room of Malacañang or in a restaurant with the jurors of award-giving bodies. Truly, Jewel in the Palace is a magnificent narrative of, not only the contribution of Jang-Geum in breaking the barriers of sexual discrimination and female inequality, but a metaphorical setup of modern politics and social structure. I sometimes consider this series a televised yet mild Korean version of Alexandre Dumas’ Count of Monte Cristo and Jose Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere infamous Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo.

No wonder I gradually gain weight while watching Jewel in the Palace on TV. Not only that it’ll educate you implicitly about social science and politics, but it also increases your appetite and cravings for spicy food. Burp!

* * *

Kidding aside, watching entertaining shows just proves how Filipinos want to evade the political and economic travails in our country. It’s evident in the recent 31^st Metro Manila Film Festival—producers of Exodus, Mulawin, and Enteng Kabisote not scared of spending millions of pesos despite the fact that our economy’s status is submerging and politics is still politics, horrific and atrocious. Empress_maruja quoted in my blog that we are conditionally under ‘escapism’. I agree to that—the word speaks to itself.

* * *

Though my dad’s practicality and political awareness resides during our dinner conversations about Fulgoso telepathically conversing with Corazon and Marimar, his insistence of not watching teledramas never reduced our monthly thousand peso electric bill—he too was enjoying Ghost Fighter and Hunter X Hunter during the times when GMA replaced all Mexican telenovelas into animes.

Tags: Jewel in the Palace, The Gazette, CvSU

Yikes! Madame Jung, ikaw ba yan?

Naku… ‘wag niyo po akong puksain!

Sige na… aamin na ako… ako po ang uminom ng sukang Persimmon ni Jang-Geum…

Wala kasi akong pambili ng lapad…

Kaya, tinungga ko ang paso na pinaglalagyan ng sukang Persimmon…

Meron pa kamong suka doon, sabi ni Jang-Geum?

Hindi… hindi po suka yon… Ano yun…
Wala po kasi akong makitang CR nun kaya…

Tags:Jewel in the Palace, , Madame Jung